Cat Boy

So I haven't learned my lesson with online dating and decided to go back for more. I met John on criagslist.com. I posted an ad looking for a creative guy, bla bla bla. So John responds...his version of creativity is that he is a cobbler...yeah they're still around fixing shoes (something I did not know until I met John). So we e-mail back and forth a few times and then exchange numbers. He seems really fantastic...truly. We talk for a week on the phone getting to know each other. He's really funny, his pictures are so cute and we seem to have a lot in common and yet are nothing alike. Which is a good thing. (He got his nickname cat boy because my roommate came home one day while we were on the phone. She said she didn't realize I was on the phone because I didn't say anything for 30 minutes. She wanted to know what was soooo interesting that he was talking about...my answer...his cat.)

So after a week of talking and what not we decided to meet. We went to the Improve for comedy survivor, then we went to Game Works and we finished with a movie "Public Enemy". On paper it sounds like a great date...and I did have a lot of fun with what I was doing just not with the company.

So let's back up...I arrive in Ybor and parked in the garage. We meet a few blocks away and he just starts in with the ooohh let me see you. I need to take this all in. You're so much sexier in person then in your pics which I didn't think was possible (he was mystalking me...forgot to mention that over the past week while we were getting to know each other he told me he kept going on my myspace looking at my pics...a lot...creepy). So he wipes the drool off his face and I realize he has brought me a present. So we sit down in the courtyard next to the Improve and I open my gifts. He individually wrapped like 10 different little gifts..everything from slippers, to shoe supports, to a mood ring, to emery boards, to gum...just lot's of random and weird shit to give a chick on a first date. So I thank him for being so thoughtful. And he busts out the damn camera. Yup 10 minutes into meeting each other he's taking pictures of us. I should have left then but no I stayed around.

So we go into the Improve. We had a drink at the bar (me a beer him a soda because he doesn't drink...I'm talking AA style here). After our drinks we go inside and get out seats. We order some food. The show starts. Our food comes. He makes me a plate. What? Is that normal? He literally put a little salad, some chips, some chicken, etc. from the main dishes onto my plate. Who does that?!? So I eat my fixed plate, watch some funny people, watch some not so funny people. Had a good time minus the company.

So we leave the show and go to Game Works. An "adult" arcade...so an arcade with booze. We play a few games and then we come to a zombie killing games. I may or may not be kind of obsessed with zombie/horror genre anything...so I start killing zombies. As I'm killing zombies he busts out the camera again and starts taking pictures of me...I don't like it at all. I stop killing zombies and we leave. We see Public Enemies. During the pre-views some Hasidic Jews come on the screen and I mention that I have a fantasy about them. Not sure why I felt the need to divulge this information to him but I did. You'll understand why I'm mentioning this in a few.

So he walks me to my car and we say good night with a hug. Before I even make it home he calls to make sure I made it home. I said I'm just pulling in can I call you in a few...he says yes and asks if I looking back into my presents (I had no intention of ever looking into the bag again...and just toss it after my roommate got a kick out of it). So I get inside and I check the back. The douche had put three cards inside. One said good, one said bad, one said really bad. Each one being how the date could have gone. Total douche. Not even funny just lame. The really bad one said sorry for leaving when you were in the bathroom. The bad one said it was nice meeting you I can see us being friends. And the good one was the worst. It was two pages talking about how great of a time he had, how he couldn't wait to fall in love with me...and more and more weird shit. WHAT!? We went on one date!!!

So I spoke with him the next day for a few minutes. He told me he went online and bought an Hasidic Jew costume online. Then he mentioned he looked into finding an uncircumcised dildo!! I seriously can't make this shit up.

I never spoke with Cat Boy after that conversation.

Gross.